Daniel Hoit and Julia Sherman Letter to Eliza F. and Ira Bean, October 19-22, 1843
Daniel Hoit and Julia Sherman to Eliza F. and Ira Bean, Sandwich Centre, [New Hampshire]: October 19-22, 1843. Hoit Family Papers.
Dear Children, Sandwich Centre, Oct. 19. 1843.
I write under feelings of depression, sorrow, and weakness in body and mind, but amid all I have infinite reason to be thankful to God for his goodness & tender mercy to me and I desire not to forget his immeasurable benefits & loving kindness. Three weeks ago this day morning our beloved Enoch breathed his last and about 10 days before his death, I was not able to leave the house and am now so weak in my whole system as to be unable to do any business, heretofore unable to correspond with friends & now even hardly be said to be fit, as you will readily perceive by my penmanship & mode of communicating. The manner of the disease beginning &c I will state in brief – Sept 11. I had occasion to go to Ossipee to attend Probate Court started early with a strong damp northeast wind in my face all the way There was quite a frost the night before & tho’ clothed with my wrapper, my throat was not sufficiently guarded & the next morning, found I had a hoarse throat cold, not on the Lungs, & I expected it would have passed off without further trouble, but in a week it settled down & I was troubled with a stricture in the breast & cough rather severe, Doct White went into the use of digitatis & squills & Blistering & the use of Leaches The digitatis I soon abandoned as it made me sweat profusely nights which made me weak – Then again Seneka & squills &c which I had to quit. The Blisters & Leaches helpd me as much as any thing. In the mean time my Bowels were affected continually with Diarrheid. It swept away about [1?] lb of flesh a day for 8 or 10 days – I have been calling myself gaining for 10 or 12 days but can gain no flesh & am weak, tho’ my cough has ceased to be severe. Hope the Good Lord & good nursing will restore me again to good health & usefulness, but I want to be submissive
Sunday eve – Oct. 22.
I have delayed to finish my letter hoping to have recd. one from you by by last mail, hoping I might also report more favorably as to myself, while I flatter I can with safety – my apetite is tolerable & cough now greatly subsided But am weak & my weight reduced from 133lb. to 123lb. should the apetite become good I shall regain flesh & strength. I have relinquishd the idea of going to Boston & I have commissiond Mr. M. H. Marson to go for me tomorrow, tho’ almost destitute of means to meet my engagements, and what to instruct him to say to executors has somewhat prevented me. Now dear Ira – How much am I to receive from you between this and Jany? More than the Column due on the Note which fell due first and the small note for 99 Dollars? These I make to amount the 27th. instant to $1051.24 – Unless I do realize this amt. I know not how to hold my standing. L.D. Sawyer says he must have a Bill of Cost allowd him which accrued while you & he were in Co. & if I rightly und[erst]and he will pay the Column due; but I cannot find the note; tho’ I found an entrance on my old docket which had been settled of notes, this one, its date and accounts, so if not to be found can be settled – Blazo had the almost sole control of all your papers & I seem to have lost sight of what knowledge I once had of them. Susan is still with us – will leave for home tomorrow – The last Thursday’s steamer brot. letters from Albert to her which are at Conway, as informed by the Rev. McWild who preaches at [town center?] today. Julia will occupy the remainder of the sheet and will close in the thought parental affection and I ardently desire an interest in your prayers in this my time of affliction: & your mother joins with me in sending her most affectionate love your father David Hoit.
My dearest sister
Father wishes me to fill out this sheet to you, but I know not how to do so, I am so much afflicted that I cannot write how can I say any thing to you my dear dear sister only to tell you of my deep sorrow, and wh I cannot tell you of that words are inadequate to describe the anguish of my heart when I dwell even for a moment on the calamaty that has come upon me and yet it is never out of my thoughts but yet I try not to dwell more upon all the weight of my affliction more than I can help as it preys upon my health – Harriet knows to what a state my excitement used to reduce me – but tell her I have been wonderfully sustained that altho I am daily overwhelmed with a sense of my loss I weep with the bitterest anguish yet I keep about my duties, but my heart is not in them and I do them mechanically – still [I] feel that I must exert myself for the sake of my dear fatherless babes – we are left poor and dependent and I am constantly thinking what can I do for a support have thot much of Harriet and my future plans for a school together, but no fixed plan of course has come to my mind for the present winter we shall remain as we are should our lives be spared – Father has moved into the sitting room to sleep and I have moved from the hall down into the middle room – E and J sleep in the bed room with L[ ] and Susan in a trundle bed under theirs I have a bed turned up in my room and betsy sleeps with me and Danl. in a crib which I move into the bed room days – so we are all together and as comfortable as we can be under all circumstances, but I am desolate in feeling that I have no mother or husband living nor brother or sister near to sympathize with me in my bereavement – Susan leaves tomorrow and I as
[Cross-hatched:] tho I could not give her up at any rate, but oh we must submit would that I could do so with resignation, but I do not feel that resignation I wish to nor that I ought to I know – Dear Henry’s visit did me more good than I could have believed he is every thing to me a good kind brother could be – he told me if I could not be situated to my mind at house keeping here he would have me so at St Albans he had enough and it was his duty to [impart?] of what he had to me or any other of his friends who needed – he strongly insisted on fathers consenting to let me live by myself this winter said he would get a carpenter to come and cut a door out of this room at his own expense but father would not consent to it I grieve that he will not but must submit you know as I am dependent – still I cannot think of living as I do now long if I do live I must have my family by myself somewhere – It is a sore trial to mother to have at all here but she submits now with a little better grace than she did a week ago – still it is not comfortable – father is every thing to me a kind father can be but he is getting very infirm dear sister you will see a great change when you come if we should be so happy as to meet again on earth – Enoch and myself when we came here last summer, saw a great change as he was then very feeble and we felt that he did indeed need some one with him who felt interested for him and then decided us to come here but oh my sister how dreadful the result I cannot think of it with the least calamity oh it is indeed a bitter bitter cup I have to drink. God grant it may not be in vain for me and mine but may it be sanctified to our ever lasting good – I look forward to your return with much anxiety I mean by our visit – and oh I wish dear Harriet could come and live with me and that I had a home to offer her nothing now could afford me so much satisfaction of an earthly nature as to be settled down in a way to support myself with her for an inmate – Perhaps it may yet be so, but I am too prone to build castles oh why do I when they have been in vain – I was sadly disappointed in not hearing from you last night hope to soon – Do write often and send papers to your poor sad heart broken sister we have no papers here but Abolition or political – neither of which interest me much – I discontinued the Family Magazine before I came here with the intention of sending to Philadelphia for Miss Leslies Magazine which I like much but I do not now feel able to take it – it 1.50 a year with 12 numbers about the size of the Ladys Book with 24 beautiful engravings &c &c – Oh that I could see you how desolate this place is! I feel like one who trialls alone some banquet hall deserted oh dear sister may you never feel the bitterness that I do – My blessed children are a great comfort to me but oh I am ungrateful I fear to mourn so hopelessly – do pray for me dear brother and sister pray that my faith fail not and that I may have strength and grace for all that awaits me God help [me?] I feel at times I must [ ] – My best Love to brother – Do write and if you wish to write [ ] these with me I know she loved E like a
separate from what you wish read by others write it on a piece of paper just the size of a folded letter cover it with writing and fit it into the letter and it will never pass for a double letter Susan says she does to frequently – I wish Mr Bean would say in his next letter what the lot of land is worth E bought in [ ] – An administration has got to be attended to father says immediately and he does not wish to do it himself who will I know not I am at a stand who to employ – wish Mr Bean lived here – I have thot of [ ] – father has mentioned M. H. Marson and also Mr Farber but I do not like to have either of them – but I must close do excuse the badness of my writing as my pen and ink are both very bad and I am too nervous to write steadily – I have many many things I wish to say and to ask your advice about, but cannot now will wait until I write again – will try to write Harriet before long but fear I shall not soon feel able – do not either of you wait for me as it is a painful effort at present to write but do write and comfort me in my loneliness and sorrow which is at times too much for my poor weak person to bear – would that I could have dear H with me who knew how E always took care of me when I was ill – oh God help me and my poor fatherless children! Father has been quite feeble but is getting better – is very nervous and low spirited about himself I think – he sends M H M to Boston for him this week after goods you see he will not give up selling goods – oh I wish he would
try and close up his business – he is too feeble to have so much to do so many chores – but I do not see any prospect of his doing so – Dear Henry gave me 20 dollars when he left me as he said there were many little things I should not like to ask for of my father for myself and children and insisted on my taking it – I have not had occasion to ask for any thing yet and hope I shall not very soon
Eliza and Julia are making some very neat pretty needle books for you and Harriet they sew them very well have made one for Aunt Susan they make them at school after the Providence quaker school fashion Marcia teaches a private school here – Sarah and Susan sew patchwork Daniel says H. gone to H i o – he grows fast and is a sweet comfort to me – seems to feel much sympathy for me says poor mama dear Father gone oh how my heart bleeds at the thot that he and all are fatherless and I oh how can I say it alone widow
I had clothes which E gave me when he sold out which I have exchanged in the store for mourning goods and have been able thus far to pay for every thing I have had nor has an article been offered me although I have borrowed a shawl in the store to wear a few times until I could get one colored although mother has one like it she has not ever offered to lend it to me even on the day I most needed it and had to wear a blue black one which was borrowed for me. She wore her jet black one which father gave her this summer and like which they have them in the store they are small thibet and 3.50 which I thot I could not afford to get and have sent the [ ] with my de laine to both be colored – I merely mention this to show you the difference that could be if our dear dear mother was living don’t mention this in your letter except as a separate piece of paper – Yours dearest in love and sorrow Julia
[Address:] Mrs. Eliza F. Bean – Care of I. A. Bean Esq. Urbana – Champaign Co Ohio.
[Docket:] Daniel Hoit Julia M. Sherman – Sandwich Oct 19. 1843 To I. A. Bean Ohio
